


Angel of Always

by all-or-nothing-baby (BundleOfSoy)



Series: Drabbles in Destiel [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, But Doesn't Know How To Break Free, Canon Universe, Caretaker Dean Winchester, Castiel Knows Dean Inherently, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Has Nightmares, Dean Winchester Has PTSD, Dean Winchester Has Self-Esteem Issues, Dean Winchester Hates His Toxic Masculinity, Dean Winchester In Love, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Suffers From Depression, Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Dean Winchester's staggeringly low self-esteem, M/M, POV Dean, POV Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:02:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21977038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BundleOfSoy/pseuds/all-or-nothing-baby
Summary: Castiel's devotion certainly does not go unnoticed by Dean—no matter how stoically he tries to act.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Drabbles in Destiel [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1387186
Comments: 6
Kudos: 46





	Angel of Always

**Author's Note:**

> Dean suffers from PTSD. Cas is always there for him.
> 
> ...and silly Dean still believes his love for Cas is unrequited. #ohdean

I'm not supposed to be weak, ain't in my job description. Taking care of my brother and making sure civilians are safe? That's my whole resume right there. I'm the one who's gotta keep on keepin' on; I'm s'posed to kill the things in the shadows, not be scared of the dark, dammit. Really can't afford to be losin' what little I got left of my mind.

_...in the middle of the night, parched and hollow as deadwood—skin stretched too far over whiskey-brittle bones—and vibrating, humming. Like ominous magic fingers on a bed of barren fucking death…_

He _always_ knows though. Every time. Even when I hide it from myself—I've spent a lifetime burying shit. But the damn angel, Cas? Yeah, he _always_ knows. Like I know he _always_ watches me sleep. But when he ain't around to, those desolate times he's far away? That's when he shows up in my dreams.

_...when the world's slipping away though shaking, dog-tired fingers and the sneering and the screaming is too loud, that's when he's impossibly there, always holding me up with defiant strength; a cool hand to the back of my neck and grace-warmed breath at my temple; always with words that aren't quite words, not quite leaving dried lavender lips…_ It's alright to be frightened _he speaks soundlessly,_ it's human and it's good. And you? You are good, Dean. You know I've got you, yes? You need to know I've always got you, and that I'll always have you, and that I'm never—not ever—letting go, _he says..._

Those times I'm not okay—like, _really_ not even close—at least I know bone-deep down it's not quite as dire as it could be. Because knowing he's out there, somewhere... Castiel, who pulled me from hell… is out there, _always_ watching over me? That's—it's almost enough.

Used to call him a creeper 'cause I'm a fucking asshole. How could I tell him I was terrified? Terrified that one day he might _stop_ watching me. Didn't want that—I don't want that. Not ever. _Not ever_. I need him, need his presence, _always_ —corporeal or not. Cas is solid, like a mountain, even when he's just a whisper. Even when he ain't really there, he's still _always_ , _always_ there. Because he knows I'll _always_ need him. _Always_.

But does he know... does Cas know how much I want him? How much I'll _always_ want him?

_Always_

_Always_

_Always_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading : )
> 
> Lucy <3


End file.
